Youth Without Youth

I turned the television on, another few moments of escape until slumber would crawl out from under the earth and drag me away.  As I shut my eyes slowly, I watched the film that was playing and had been for some time already, mid-story or early scenes it doesn’t matter it will all end up in my dreams.  I slept for a while, conciousness and shortness of breath and strange visions lurching me to watch a few seconds more and then down the well again with more disturbing dreams where

I was not the only one to think “I have known you before I existed.”

Where, “This all makes a strange sort of sense, even the blood, even the fire, even the pain of it.”

It was my own Jungian internal I am sure, stirring in words and images and voices I have heard; making a long story of horror and sadness become internal as …


 

and later as my mind sought air and my lungs hungered for sight and all of me lunged upward for more … i woke to this music

and when I opened my eyes this is what I watched playing over and over again

Sorry … they won’t let me embed it …

 Edge of Darkness Final Scene

Sleep well all …

_______________________________

Removed Sappho 1 to 11  Added Poems of Love

 

Who IS Amanda Palmer and who killed her?

I rode the chat in all the rooms, ruling, reigning, so cruel and loving, if Love is defined as it was there. I put away a name that was legend to take a name from one whose voice and mind I loved; I became Amanda_Fucking_Palmer there. All wondered, threads were begun, guessing and questioning, challenges and arguments and old stories were invoked, and at the last I gave them my model name only. Except for theGirl, I gave her the remnants of my hope.

 

I played coy, I tempted and teased as the months and then years passed

 

Then at the crux of trust, I gave to her my name, my face, my presence always there

 

I gave her real love, but by then it had gone far too far, cam love had destroyed us both.

 

My fatal flaw, my final fall … “Who killed Amanda Palmer?”

 

Why, it was I.

 

 

A warning to be heeded or (not) my dears, changing who you are … I found out

 

Carries penalties.

 

(hope.is.lost)

 

(better.outcomes)for(you.all)

____________________________________________

Added: History, Quiet Now

Somnambulating

*whistles while emptying the trash, dusting the furniture, mopping up the floors … eyes those venitian blinds … (shrugs) … turns out the lights and closes the door*

____________________________________________________________________

 

____________________________________________________________________

Added: The Somnambulater (yes … i know there is no such word and that it SHOULD be Somnambulist … think to yourself … ‘perhaps a pun? a *poke**nudge* at someone?’